Can a man and a woman ever be best friends?

CAN a man and a woman ever be best friends? This is one pertinent question that keeps popping up over and over again. It was first put out perhaps for public scrutiny in When Harry Met Sally. The hugely popular hit was then followed by My Best Friend’s Wedding (1997) and Hum Tum in India (a desi remake of When Harry Met Sally) in 2004.

India’s GenNow got introduced to the question with the Imran Khan-Genelia D’Souza starrer Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Naa (2009). This year we have Friends With Benefits claiming friendship is a four- letter word. In short, they say a man and a woman can never be friends — as for being best friends, that’s a distant dream.

Yet outside the celluloid world, relationships are far more complicated. The roles being played out in the real world are not bound by a script. Real people fail to understand what movies preach and confuse love with friendship and vice versa. Relationship experts say having a best friend from the opposite sex is one of the main reasons marriages are failing these days.

"When two people from the opposite sex get emotionally close to each other, at least one of them is bound to get attracted to the other and this can cause problems if they are married to different people,” says Dr Kamal Khurana, relationship counsellor, Purple Alley.

MY WIFE’S BEST FRIEND


EDWIN Fernandes ( name changed), a creative director with an advertising agency, is right now going through a divorce and has only himself to blame for it. His story got complicated after his best friend became his wife’s best friend: “ I used to run to my best friend for every problem in my marriage. Consequently, my wife started doing the same. Slowly she got dependant on him emotionally and then she fell in love with him.” With society opening up to having friends from the opposite sex, are we emotionally intelligent enough to handle all these relationships? Not quite, says Dr Rachna Singh, lifestyle expert, Artemis Hospital. “The real problem starts when you are married and have a best friend from the opposite sex. The definition of a best friend overlaps into the definition of a spouse. And then there is a conflict,” says Singh.

A friendship is about companionship, trust and love. And a marriage is about companionship, trust, love and sex. The Sword is the only distinguishing factor. “ In such triangular relationships jealousy creeps causing a conflict,” says Singh.


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6-8 HOURS OF SLEEP HELPS CUT FLAB

Wondering how to lose weight without much effort? Don`t stress and get some good sleep. A new Kaiser Permanente study has found that people with the lowest stress levels and who also got more than six hours, but not more than eight hours, of sleep were most likely to lose at least 10 pounds.

Nearly 500 participants from Kaiser Permanente in Oregon and Washington took part in the study, which measured whether sleep, stress, depression, television viewing, and computer screen time were correlated with weight loss. Several previous studies have found an association between these factors and obesity, but few have looked at whether these factors predict weight loss.

"This study suggests that when people are trying to lose weight, they should try to get the right amount of sleep and reduce their stress," said lead author Charles Elder. "Some people may just need to cut back on their schedules and get to bed earlier. Others may find that exercise can reduce stress and help them sleep. For some people, mind/body techniques such as meditation also might be helpful," he added. The researchers, however, cautioned that their findings might not apply to all groups trying to lose weight. The study has been published in the International Journal of Obesity.

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Soaps to use or not to use?

After a visit to my bathroom and seeing my collection of toiletries, including shower gels and body washes, my grandmother couldn't help telling me how in their days, soap used to be a luxury - that they used to even make "lye" soaps at home to save expense. She disapproved of my "indulgence" in toiletries. 

While dadi may be partly right (I don't need four varieties of shower gels at one time), the fact is that today, one actually needs several beauty products that were considered indulgences in the past.

In my grandmother's times, environmental conditions were not harsh for one's skin, and pollution wasn't choking your skin cells. So, the everyday soap, which does in fact strip your skin of natural oils, was something your skin could take more easily than it can now.

So, while soap still serves the basic purpose of cleansing, ordinary bars will strip your skin of the essential fatty oils.

All body washes are formulated to cleanse, without drying your skin.

1. Why not soaps?

Dr Aparna Santhanam, columnist for Good Housekeeping and Mumbai based dermatologist says, 'Soaps are, traditionally, alkaline in nature. As our skin is slightly acidic, soaps were harsh and harmful to its basic nature. Today, there are "neutral" soaps with glycerin as well as syndet (synthetic detergent), changing the alkaline factor. So choose the right one, if using.' Adds Dr Shehla Agarwal, Delhi-based dermatologist and cosmetologist, 'People with dry and sensitive skin must use body wash.

2. Why body washes?

Body washes, explains Dr Agarwal, are milder. 'They are not "hard" like regular soaps - they clean without ripping the skin of essential natural oils and fatty acids.' Dr Santhanam adds, ' Body washes are more hygienic as their surface is not touched by different users. They come in a closed container, so pollutants in the air do not affect them. They are also enriched with additional moisturisers which help nourish the skin better.

3. Face wash, a must

When it comes to your face, use a face wash. The skin on your face is more delicate and needs extra moisturising care that you do not get from the regular soaps. If you want to use soap on your face, choose the ones with moisturisers, glycerine or moisturising milk as ingredients.

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